Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Sleep ... or not

As the parents among you probably know, chronic sleep deprivation is a really ugly thing. Sam hasn't slept longer than 3.5 consecutive hours since July and has gone through extended periods of waking up every 1-2 hours all night. Consequently, I've gotten very little sleep. And it has taken quite a toll ... patience and sympathy are distant memories (and my memory is not so good these days), crying jags have become common occurrences. In December, I tried seeing a therapist but even she agreed what I really needed was just plain old sleep. The problem is how to get it. In the past two months we've managed to wean Sam from nursing all night to nursing just twice. But he continues to wake up at least four times a night and he often shrieks if anyone other than me tries to take him.
So last Friday we got serious about teaching Sam he can't have mommy all night every night. Grandma and Granddad are even in on this. I put Sam to bed, I nurse him at ~11pm and again around 4:30 or 5am. Any other wake-ups are handled by Jed or my parents. I'm sleeping on the futon in the den downstairs so that the screaming is somewhat dampened (for my benefit) and so that I'm further out of Sam's nose-shot (you know, like ear-shot, only different). Actually, there's been a lot less screaming than I expected and I've been feeling a lot less guilty than I expected. And I've gotten five straight hours of sleep a few times now. So that's the good news.
But I'm feeling very ambivalent about the whole plan this morning. Sam is still waking up just as frequently, twice he's spent at least an hour in the middle of the night refusing to be put down, and every morning after he nurses he's incredibly restless. So are we making any progress? Or is this just one more unsustainable night-time routine to be discarded in a few weeks? Maybe it's too soon to tell. Then there are the bigger questions ... Is Sam waking up just to snuggle? He's certainly a very lovey kid. Or is it teething pain? He's always got at least one tooth on the way. Or is it his d$%@&* persistent reflux? Yes, he's still spitting up and he's still on Prilosec. And I'm back to a dairy-free existence (man, do I miss ice cream and milk in my tea!) just in case that's a factor. Obviously, I'm not expecting answers to these questions anytime soon.

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